I Don’t like Faith

So I have been pondering the concept of “faith” recently. This past Sunday I shared with our congregation that I really don’t like faith. I have come to believe that “faith” is NOT a word used to describe our religious beliefs and activities, but a verb that is almost synonymous with risk, uncertainty and utter dependence. Most of the time, if I am honest, I really want God to lead me into a place where faith is no longer necessary. Much of my obsession in the midst of trials that require faith involve getting out of that trial as quickly and painlessly as possible. I don’t like faith. It’s embarrassing to admit that, but it is allowing me to move forward into a place where I can understand my NEED for faith. There are many things I don’t like but need; oil changes, tag renewal, gasoline (sensing a theme here?) are all things I wish I could do without, but would keep me from driving my car. I need transportation.

What is my need for faith? The scary thing is that to be religious, I DON’T need faith. Works and activities will do just fine. They provide me with the illusion of relationship while allowing me to chart my own course of what allows me to be in control and within a comfortable environment for self-congratulation. Jesus was incessantly telling the religious establishment that their activities and rituals did not add up to knowing the heart of the Father.

So I am learning to desire faith. Why? Because I want to be compelled by the love of my Father, not obsessed by my own sense of self worth. I want to see His miraculous power, not my own gift set. I want to know what it means to be unconditionally loved, not caged by the treadmill of performance. I want the Father. I need faith.

I want to pray believing God desires to reveal Himself. I want to love knowing I have an endless resivoir provided by Him. I want to give believing its not mine. I want to be free, knowing my past failures do not condemn me to future bondage.

I want the Father. I need faith.

Aarron